A Brief Overview, and Overview of my Briefs

Clean-Up in Aisle 10...Seat F - March 22, 2006

I will preface this with an "I am glad to be back home". After a week long excursion to Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, and Zion National Park I have returned somewhat refreshed and with a whole new grocery list of anxieties. For the vacation I thought I would splurge and buy myself a new toy. No, not a life-sized Barbie or hooped earrings, but a digital camera. With a hefty price tag of $339, not including all of the extras, it was a shot in the pills for someone as frugal as myself. I then proceeded to buy memory, a case, and an extra battery for oodles of money. But, I told myself, I deserve it, it is being bought with tax refund, and we are going to a place where prostitution is a way of life so I can make it back in the alley behind the Mirage. First I had to make the plane ride there. It was not as bad as I had initially thought it to be. We made it there, accident free, both plane and pants-wise. We were not as exciting as the crazy NASCAR fans with their embroidered #3 leather jackets and partials slipping into their wine glasses filled with Boones Farm. I gambled in moderation and sat next to the blue hairs on the slots listening as they talked about how great it was to be a flapper back in the day...how I miss those days. We then went to the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park in a two day whirlwind adventure of the southwest.  Each place we went I basically messed myself in fear,  everything had to either involve dangling off of the edge of some huge cliff or crawling up a steep, icy embankment to get a good photo op. They all had breathtaking views…and once I stopped hyperventilating I really enjoyed the sights. I would have to say that Zion National Park was my favorite, more hiking and less screaming on my part. We spent the rest of the week in Vegas walking around aimlessly trying to pass the time only to arrive just in time to ride the elevator with a gaggle of drunken, straight sorority girls asking me where I was from, what I was doing here, and if I was going out tonight. I just looked at them each time with my inner monologue saying “my clothes match and I am not wearing water socks, hello, no chance here—total queer!”

I begged Mark to drive back to Minneapolis so that we didn’t have to fly back home but no luck. I must admit, the plane ride home was the worst ever. The flight itself was not bad but my anxiety attack onboard must have been quite amusing. Good thing I didn’t change my Depends, the ones I borrowed from the flappers. I don’t know what it was about it but I freaked out. But we landed in the riveting town of Fargo for an hour layover, Mark sat there comatose, and I just rocked back and forth sucking mine or my neighbors thumb waiting for the next flight. Luckily it went well, got home, greeted the dogs, went to bed for 20 hours and then resumed “real” life again. It was a great trip, unfortunately deficient of indecent proposals but I did get plenty of escort cards from the Mexican people on the streets flicking the business-card-sized advertisements so if you ever need company Wanda can fill a lonely night…I have her number.

A Brief Overview, and Overview of my Briefs - March 21, 2006

After much time, and frustrating looks from Mark, I have decided to sit down a write a little bit about myself. You might have asked yourself, "why now?"...well, go ahead and ask yourself, I will give you a moment. The answer is...I havent had too much to write about. After graduating from the U of M with a degree in Biology (*clears throat* and high distinction) I took a really mediocre job with Park Nicollet. I get to draw blood all day long...yippee! Now before your pot stews over with envy I do have to warn you that it is not as glamourous as the tabloids make it seem. Snotting kids and jaded elderly are on the list of the "regulars" that come in to see me on a daily basis. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy an angry old person just as much as the next, and snotting, crying, hyperventilating kids is always nostalgic but I think I am ready for something more. Actually I like most of my patients.

have decided to crawl my way back to the U steps, crying and begging them to let me have another chance at life and get another B.S. degree but this time in Medical Technology. This will aloow me to be a little higher in the ranks than a coffee maker, which is about the level i am at now...and exuding about as much brain power as said Mr. Coffee. If this falls through then I will take the GRE which, hopefully after enduring the MCAT, should be like a twelve piece jigsaw puzzle of Berenstein Bear and Friends. Once I score halfway decent on the GRE I will apply for graduate school. I would ultimately like to enter the MICab (Microbiology, Immunology and Cancer Biology) graduate program that the U of M has to offer. I dont really want to go out of state if not necessary. I like my Minneapolis...and the homeless lady that lives across from the saloon, the one that looks like the Dove Lady from Home Alone 2 or 3, which ever one he goes to New York, told me she doesnt want me to leave either so I am staying here!!! Back on track, I would like to study Immunology in the long run so hopefully everything works out. Now that I have gotten you eight months updated in a paragraph you may sit back, unbutton the top button of your jeans...ok you can do two...and just sit back and relax. Please wait for permission to insert hand, thank you!